The whole year
The best thing to have happened to me this year is not to have expectations. Somehow, I could discern the trajectory of this year, and I decided to let it unfold in the best way. 2021 made me learn that. I was faced with anxiety, and I asked myself what I could do to battle this anxiety, and I concluded by not setting expectations for 2022. Don’t get me wrong, I had big dreams for myself, but when you’ve seen your life play out outside of your plans, you learn to expect disappointments and deal with them better or differently.
When I got an unexpected grade, after a few tears, I picked up myself with disappointment and worked harder to get a better grade. When the better grade came, I was excited, but on the other side of my mind, I was ready for disappointment. Maybe because I started preparing my heart for disappointments, it became very easy for me to move past many things. Only a few things are now dear to my heart.
In a discussion with my friend last weekend, we spoke about how we can deal with our heartbreaks better now because we’ve seen the worse, and nothing is really new again. The pains are not new, and the hurts are not new — they will be painful, but if you can survive previous ones, you can survive the upcoming ones. I think it has shaped my mind to not only respect endings but to note that everything that has a beginning also has an end, as the year is. Endings will be painful, but we say ‘see you again’ to the beautiful moments because we know they will come again.
I’m never unlucky with love or friendships. Not to say I’ve not had my fair share of bad ones, but as I grow older, I am learning to appreciate people and communities. People are friends with me on different levels, and I respect it s much. It makes me not feel alone. Also, I decided to create more intentional friendships with older people; their wisdom is needed at this point in my life. My female friendships make a lot of sense, I saw more need to have women around me and shape me.
I might have fallen in love once or twice this year. It’s how the year went for me. I like the feeling, and I won’t lie, but some things force one to think. I’ve thought about many things that I’ve never thought of as a result of my feelings. I’m getting to understand what I want better, and maybe one day, I will finally have an end-of-the-year article that says I’m now in a relationship.
The year was whole for me. God really is a source because the number of times I was broke this year is exactly the same number of times God reminded me that I am not self-sufficient and that sufficiency is from him. After resigning from my job, I thought I wouldn’t be able to survive other months, but seven months later, I went back to freelancing like I didn’t leave it for almost a year. That part of my growth is beautiful to see.
In the end, I’m taking away lessons about myself I’ve not discovered before, and I’m working seriously to be a better person from the lessons learned. Let’s see what can happen in the next twelve months again.
With love,
Kintan.
