This Is How It Feels Like To Wait

I’ve waited for something for more than a year now but at this point in the year, I don’t think I have the energy to wait any extra.

Waiting requires so much hope and faith that might eventually lead to anxiety. The first month is here and it’s not coming and the ninth month is here and it has still not come.

I didn’t know if you hoped for something that might not come, you’d start being anxious. It was a heart race anytime I had to check this portal.

I prayed for so long till I didn’t know what to pray for again. Is God silent? Or is God seeing me going through this phase and doesn’t want to help me out? I didn’t have answers. But I still kept on ‘faithing' it.

It’s hard, a tough season. Every win felt not great enough because this one is the one that would be a rocket. Every options look slightly impossible because even my finances failed so much.

Still, I waited.

I dragged my parents to wait with me. They waited. We were saying it in prayers every morning. I was crying tears at night to sleep. But one day, they were tired too, and we started considering other options. I broke down in front of my father one day when he asked how I felt. He felt the same way too and he was really sad. I had to make another decision.

I know how it feels like to wait, for something that might not come, and I’m still waiting and putting myself under anxiety’s pressure.